Now That's a Story!

I always watched to feel the touch of a woman other than my girlfriend. So when she was off watching pop idol I went into a dating free site and met some women. I took the first one out to lunch. I told my girlfriend I was having lunch with the lads from work. One thing led to another and we eventually found ourselves in a hotel. She was the most beautiful woman ever, with stunning looks and auburn brown hair. She smelled of heaven and tasted like it too. But I quickly got bored and when my girlfriend was off watching pop idol the next night I ventured a peek at the website again. I soon found another woman to go out and have a fling with. She was a beautiful blonde and her skin was warm and soft to the touch. It was like a piece of heaven had been plucked straight from the air. I was in love. So I went back home to my girlfriend and decided to break up with her then and there. She barely listened to me at first over the blare of pop idol's pathetic wannabes. But eventually her ears perked at the mention of "moving out" and she tuned into what I was saying for once. What happened next any man can guess to a fair degree of certainty. Let's just say mount saint helen's had nothing on her. And there was nothing saintly about this outburst either. Dishes were thrown, insults were volleyed and screams were heard all through the town. Eventually I had had enough and just packed my things and left. Phew. Such relief I felt waltzing down the street in that crisp autumn air. I felt so alive. I was going to be with someone I truly loved. One who I was in touch with. One who wasn't detached and cold. But sadly it wasn't to be. I went to the designated meeting point but she had never arrived. It seems she was in a violent automobile accident. Someone had cut her break line. When I eventually came home sheepishly I met my girlfriend at the door. Pliers were still in her hands. I'd caught her red handed, or rather black handed, as her hands were still covered in the brake fluid deposited there hours before.